Selfishness...

Basically I have discovered something in the last year, every person has a little problem with selfishness. Let me just tell you a little story:

A few years ago I was still in school, I was bullied behind the scenes, most people didnt know, I didnt want them to. Girls in my grade started an 'I hate Eisha club', which was very imature, and in my right mind I would have seen it as this, but as I was on the end of my tether, this was the last straw that broke the camels back. I had been putting up with the bullying since I had started school, and I was finally over it all and so I told my Mother about the I hate Eleisha club (which I found out by a friend). She told the head of the section of school I was in who then gave the girls involved an in school suspension. After this happened, I was sent to counselling to work on my resilience, and the girls ostrasized me, they told every one else in my grade to ask me why they had been suspended.

My best friend at the time slowly but surly started to back away from our friendship, and it seemed as though all the other kids in my grade were wary to be seen with me. Every lunch time I spent in the library, doing the same assignment that had been handed in 2 terms earlier, just so I could stay away from everyone. I began having anxiety attacks which feel something similar to heart attacks every morning when I hopped out of the car, I started failing subjects at school, which had never happened before, my lowest grade every had been a C+. The counsellor one day rang my Mother and said for her to pull me out, because if she didnt she feared I would have a breakdown.

The last term of the year, I did all my work at home, and only went in at the end of the year to do my last exams, and that was the last school exams I ever did. I worked 36 hrs per week at Gloria Jeans for a year and a half studying part time. I left the Church I was going to who was full of the same Students I had escaped from, and only recently found the right church for me.

I found myself wallowing over all that had happened to me, it was in the past, but I kept it in the back of my mind all the time, holding it between meeting new people, and expecting everyone to do the same to me that had been done at school. Then one day my Mother said to me something like: "Eish, you need to stop being so self obsessed, all you seem to think about and talk about is what other people have done to hurt you, you hold it between you and ,making more friends. You need to stop focusing on your appearance, and other things about yourself, and start focusing on making others feel comfortable, ask them about their life and things that are happening in theirs, let go of the past, it is done, make a fresh start and you might find yourself feeling more complete."

There was more, but basically I started not only focusing on others, but also on God; and I find myself much happier and completely content with life and God, I am not so needy when it comes to friends, infact if most of them turned away from me I would not be very upset for long, I would just make more.

How this applies to you? well I dont know if you every focus on your appearance to others, or have the same sort of problem as me, but I would like you to know that, the moment you take your eyes off yourself, you will be truly much happier. We can never be perfect, neither can other people, but focus on being God's servant, on showering others with the same love God showers you with. Who cares about how you look besides you? not me? and even if other people do, why do you want to impress them anyway? when you focus on others, people will notice not what you look like on the outside but your heart which will peep out in your appearance.

This may be a bit harsh, and I hope you are ready for it, but seriously who cares? Only God should you be trying to impress, so do it with your heart, and willingness to serve Him. Besides, What has He put you on this earth to do anyway?